The broken piano

While he was sleeping , I was already awake, and not only that , I was shocked , I was petrified  and I was fossilized  like a doe entangled by a python when I saw my broken piano in front of me. I tried waking him up to show what had happened in my house but he was irritated at my disturbance. But then I could take it no more and yelled at the top of my voice , “ Raj , please wake up…see what has happened .”
Finally he had to get up. Still flabbergasted ,he burst out at me,like a thunderstorm, “ What ! …cant you let me sleep even on Sunday?”
“ Raj see what has happened .Some one broke our piano.Who could have done that?”
He saw the broken piano with little surprise ; some disgust as I had spoiled his sleep  and no concern about who could have done this. He said in a casual way as if nothing  unusual had happened , “ Oh , just leave it…don’t tell me that my mother did this.”
“ I am not blaming your mother…she was sleeping in the living room and our room was bolted  from inside then how could some




one enter our room.Just yesterday we had got this piano as our house warming gift .The whole night I was playing it ….do you
remember ? and then I just kept it there , but then who could do such a horrifying act …how could someone enter our room while it was bolted from inside.”  My pace had slowed down as I spoke about one of my favourite gifts which now had become defunct.
Raj saw my face and gave a somber expression as if he knew something , but replied nothing. Instead  of worrying about this broken piano , he got up and went to the living room, and my eyes kept on lingering on the dilapidated structure .It had now become trash .All the keys  were cracked and uplifted. I caressed my hand over it for the last time with all my heart  and began crying looking at its wrecked demeanor. As soon as he heard me wailing he rushed into the room.
“ O please stop that please …just forget it …its just broken darling.”
I saw his stony face and lifted the piano and pressed it near my chest as a mother embraces her child. I had lifted the corpse of my dead child, but he stopped me while I was about to go to the backyard and throw it.




He yelled , “Hey what are you doing , are you planning to throw it out, are you mad ? have you gone crazy ?How can you throw your parents’ gift like this ?Just keep it where it was. Let it be there like a showpiece in that niche .I will not let you throw it.”
His voice was firm and stern that I had no nerves to defy him .I silently kept the piano where it was .
With whole lot of irritation on his face , he said, “ Now freshen up for the evening puja …people are going to visit us again today.”
Piano was at the back of my mind , but I busied myself in brooming the verandah, wiping  the stone carved stand of the holy basil, washing my two storeyed new house and helping the cook .This digression took me in the lake of Lethe for sometime  but intermittently ,the piano  appeared in my mind.

In the evening ,when the pooja was over , I went  to the shrine to have some ‘prasad’ when my peripheral vision saw some thing bizarre moving in my room.It looked like some shadow , but my scared mind did not allow me to look at it straight.I did not dare to, but I thought of telling this to Raj.I felt even more scared as I found myself standing alone in the house. All were out in the verandah having their dinner so I rushed out hastily.I saw Raj had finished eating and so I quickly approached him and called him to me discretely in a very low voice.


“ What now…why do you look so worried?”
“ I want to urgently talk to you...actually you won’t believe Raj I just now saw something strange going towards our room.Can you come inside and see who or what it is.I am scared Raj .” I pleaded ardently.
“ You have gone insane…it must be one of our relatives.”
“No …. It was something different Raj, please… I beg ...come and see what it is.”
“ Ok fine.” And we strided towards our  room.

As we reached , our room was the same , empty   ,faceless,  expressionless. No one was there to be seen and the broken piano lay there on the table. Then whom did I see coming in ,what was it ,were the questions hovering my head. Raj gave me an annoying look  and said with suppressed anger, “ You need rest.You have been working whole day since we have come here and now with weariness you are not in your senses. Just go and sleep.”
“ But Raj … truly I saw something.”
He didn’t say anything , but led me by my hand and forced me to sleep.He switched off the lights, shut the door and then I was left alone in the  darkness. As soon I was  alone in my room  , I unleashed my suppressed tears on my pillow as I couldn’t decipher what wrong was going on in my life and then  I beacme oblivious of when the slumber  had entered my eyes.

Actually I do not understand how could I sleep the previous day with all that had spooked up in my mind, but the slumber had been kind to take me into the world of dreams where I saw someone holding my hands lovingly and caressing my face.I don’t remember  who he was but   his eyes were deep, fascinating and hypnotic that I felt he had known me since the dawn of time and he was not ready to leave me and when I asked him why, he beautifully smiled and answered , “ Because you are me”.

The night passed with him but the early crowing of the rooster  transported me back to my real living world. I had to face another day and as I woke up I saw the broken piano before me .It pricked me as if some grains of sand had entered my and were chafing my eyes.

I got up hastily to prepare for the morning, but then I did not wonder where Raj was.I went out and saw Raj engrossed in his mobile phone.I did not greet him.I had decided I won’t  bother him anymore .As I was preparing breakfast in the kitchen ,Raj came and handed over his phone to me .It was my father who had called.
“ Hi beta .How are you? I am coming today to see you.”
“ I am fine  , of course come…I am waiting .” I was happy to hear his voice .He was some one from my side , my benefactor , the one who had given me birth, and I was happy that I would see him today and express my deepest anguish.

That day I was in high spirits as I was awaiting my father’s arrival.He had planned to come for food , so I had set myself up to prepare a scrumptious lunch for my papa, so my major time was spent in the kitchen, and as I had finally finished cooking I thought of calling my father, but as I was treading towards my room ,my eyes abruptly fell over something written on one of the maroon coloured tiles which was exactly at the center of the


floor. It read , “ Mr .Dalvi”. I had never seen this name before on the floor , but I could understand that someone had written it now with the chalk. I called up Raj to show him this weirdness that was occurring time and again in this house. I wanted to know who was doing this , but whom could I ask .Raj was not bothered at all .As I was brooding over this matter , I heard a knock .It was my father who had come.I welcomed him wholeheartedly.
After the lunch , while Raj and my father were having a friendly banter , I thought of talking to papa in private.I gestured him to come in my room.I wanted to tell him what has been happening in this house since I had come here.

As my father entered my room, I bolted it from inside, and embraced him  firmly. His shirt was wet by now because of my tears.“ I am sorry papa, the piano that you had  gifted is now broken.I really don’t know who did it.” By now I was crying hard and continued speaking, “ and now that  it has become useless , Raj is not even allowing me to throw it, he tells me to keep it as a showpiece.I cannot bear the sight of that broken piano which will now never create any harmoniuous music.Tell me father , why should I keep such a piano in my room.”
My  father looked numb and expressionless. He had nothing to say .I could see some guilt on his face , but he was not ready to share anything with me. He just said, “ Don’t worry child , I will bring you a new one.”


“ But it’s not that…I feel this house is evil papa.Even Raj doesn’t understand that.”
“ Don’t behave like a fool, how can a house be evil.”
“ I had some strange experiences here and …”
My father interrupted me .He would not let me say anything further. He was disgusted at me and I again felt the loneliness that I had always felt in my life when I was not listened to,when I was not believed and when I was misunderstood.
Just then, someone had come at the entrance. It was a beautiful young girl. I asked her who she was and whom she wanted .She said she wanted to talk to me.She directly spoke , without wasting a minute, “ Mr Dalvi was the former owner of this house and this house is evil.” She just said this and my heart skipped a beat ,my eyes were flooded with fear. My voice was choked , but somehow I readied myself to speak up.
“ Yes …you are right.This house is evil.” I spoke with a heavy voice. Suddenly I called up Raj and my father.They came running out at the entrance.
“ Raj , see I had told you that this house is evil, papa see I was right .Even this girl says it.”
Their faces were bewildered.I looked at the girl and pleaded ,
“ Please tell them too that this house is evil…please … they don’t believe me.” I pleaded for her statement but there was an eerie silence in her.

I yelled again , now sobbing loudly, “ Please tell my father and my husband that this house is sinister….please tell them please…” but she didn’t utter a word. I was outrageous at her silence.
“ Why aren’t you speaking ?...please tell them .” I shouted again.
But she did not open her mouth.I saw my husband and my father look at me in a horrifying way. Nothing was left for them to speak. I do not know why they looked dumbstruck.
The girl turned her back and began leaving without saying a word. She walked in long strides and her gait was confident. I was angry at her betrayal .
“ Where are you going ?Don’t leave .Please stop I say.”
She stopped for a second , turned back and saw me again .Now this time, I saw there was a mysterious glint in her eyes and a vicious smile on her face . On seeing this,  I was fully left tongue tied and hopeless. I don’t know who she was and why she had come .Was she playing any game with me or was she trying to scare me , why did she not speak to Raj and papa ? These questions swarmed in my head like a cluster of stinging hornets, but every thing was incisively quiet after she had left. She had rendered me frozen .I had become numb after this eerie encounter,  but this period of short silence was unexpectedly broken by something  …and what was it?

All of a sudden, as if in some trance , I heard something coming near me.It was slow paced , but as it came nearer, it started pricking my ears and as it grew louder and louder I covered my ears with my hands tightly  .I knew what it was  .

It was a sharp, creaky and  a disharmonious music of the broken piano that  had  already begun wafting  creepily , out of a thin air, like a venomous viper  slithering  out from its  hole and I already knew , it was my death knell.

The Marsh

I want to get bogged down in that marsh
but have no nerves to do so
I know I will be lost to the core
Or might I find myself again
and become new .?

Once I even tried to go there,
But came back running home
It kind of attracted me too much
I couldn’t bear the burden of its allurance.

My heart beats were pacy
My soul damn scared
My body with watery beads
And my mind like horses restless.

I then knew it was not to me
I couldn’t plunge into its depth
I was a coward
Bound with the fetters of these wily rules.

What strength would I have then
To get sucked down by that marsh?
I will be a lost loose woman
Stoned to death,
I will be taken to the gallows
Or might be deserted in the sands of eternity.

Then what will remain of me
is just my frame
lifeless, parched and left to the vultures to feast
or I will be like a barren earth
unmoist , and thirsty for the marsh to submerge me in.





That marsh, in which I wanted to immerse deeply
Now stands no more before me.
Transformed into a stony land
I can just set my eyes , my step on it,
But then what use is of such existence.

Such life that cannot soak me up.

Even death can’t come to me
I am living in a malicious world
Far from that divine world
Where I can go
Just when  death will embrace me.

But death seems too cruel.
It doesn’t come to me easily.
Marsh can be  the only  source of my death
If it wants , it can allow me in
But my misfortune is that
It only allows me to float and
live in a limbo
Where no death comes and no life I know.

Threshold

I had had a nice leisurely bath that day, and I decked up my self with a cream colour salwar kameez, which had some intricate shimmering design on it.As usual , I did not tie up my hair , into a plait or pony tail, but I left my hair open , which came till my shoulders, but I made sure that they do not look dishevelled, so to set them up properly, I applied some conditioner and pressed my palm over my hair several times so that as I move out, they do not  turn  shabby due to the wind.My hair was curly, so if not tied properly, or if not conditioned suitably, it would look like a sparrow’s nest. When I was satisfied that my hair looked presentable, I applied some face powder, but then , I did no more make up.. As I had just taken bath, I smelt fresh and fragrant.I looked at myself, admiringly for a few moments , in the mirror.I looked pretty.I felt beautiful inwardly and also outwardly. I was elated.I was  living some pleasant euphoric moments at present.
I left my home, and in a few minutes ,I found myself in some locality.I had never been here before, but I had heard about this place, although I don’t remember its name.It was not a plush area, where I was standing. It had a local market, occupied with vegetable vendors, stationary shops, general stores,  a small Chinese restaurant, and chawls hemming the right side of the road. There was not much public to be seen. I was watching everything absentmindedly, but then without wasting any time, I treaded toward another similar area , where I was supposed to go.To reach this place , I had to cross a threshold, and when I reached the threshold,my eyes very easily fell on the filth and dirt that was brought up by the gutter, that flowed underneath the threshold. The threshold was built of cement slabs, each slab was separated with an inch gap, and below, through this gap , I could see, the dark , murky water, running slow. Some water was also coming out , and seeping at the border of the locality,  which I was to enter in.I just kept on staring at the filth , and the dirty water that was oozing itself out from beneath.I didn’t feel like going inside, but I had to go somehow, so I searched another way.In a few moments , I found another route to enter the locality.There too was a threshold, which I had to cross.When I reached there, I again found some filth, and dirt on my way, but its condition was better than the previous route which I had chosen.I could at least step inside the locality.To avoid the dirty feeling, I did not see the sides of the road, which I knew, from my peripheral vision, were dirty, because the drains were open.
I walked straight, and then , immediately turned right.This, locality, was a system of chawls. Although, outside it was dirty, the interior part of this chawl labyrinth ,its winding lanes and  the houses ; were  quite clean.It was even brighter inside,unlike outside which was a little gloomier.

I saw a house, and there was a marble slab , where I seated for some time, but then I was taken aback by a pleasant surprise, when he suddenly came, and sat next to me.I was very happy to see him.I was seeing him after five whole weeks of separation.He looked at me  with a smile on his face, and said.
“ You look very pretty.I like your hair.” He leant , and tucked one of my curls  beside my ear.

After some time , we decided to roam in the locality. Our arms were locked in each other, and we both were wandering freely. We were completely engrossed in each other, and were treading in the intricate lanes , without any inhibitions. We were enjoying each other’s presence, and felt , this moment of being together, never ends. I kept my head on his shoulders .He said,
“ I really missed you. Where were you? Why didn’t you receive my calls?”

I replied , “ I missed you too.” , but I didn’t give him any answers to his questions, because he knew them.

We walked for some more time, and as I was tired, I said.
“ I want to rest.”
He took me inside a house. The door was open , but  no one from the house was to be seen. We didn’t know , whose house it was, nonetheless, we went in.We made ourselves comfortable on the sofa.We sat very close, folding our legs, and my head rested on his shoulders. He found the remote, and switched on the television.There was some movie going on ,having aggressive, violent , fictional historical characters.
The television was on but our eyes were only for each other.He leant forward, and kissed me intensely.We continued kissing and fondling each other, until we had had enough of our mortal pleasures, but we didn’t make love.

He switched off the tv, and we came out of the house.Again I was standing very close to him, my arm locked in his.I saw him  observing my  neck.He asked , caressing my curls,
“ Your neck is bare.Did you forget to wear your mangalsutra?”

I felt my neck, and found that my mangalsutra was not there.
“ Oh ya, last night I removed it while going to bed.While sleeping , it feels really suffocating around the neck.”

Now it was the time , to leave.I had to get back home.We came out of the intricate lanes , toward the threshold. First we happened to come across the threshold which I had first encountered while coming in.It was now , more overflowing with filth and dirty water.I couldn’t stand it , so I told him we must take another route.We hastily came toward another threshold to avoid, the stinky nauseating smell.When we reached another threshold,- which I had chosen to enter , I again saw the same filth which I had seen previously.I  kept staring at this filth for some time, although its appearance made it unbearable for me to see, but still I saw it.Then I looked into my lover’s eyes.
He looked back at me solemnly.We both looked into each others’ eyes for some more time, with that continued solemn expression on our faces that poured hopelessness , resentment, despair that we had felt toward the real world in which I had to return, thus separating me from him. And then…we separated. He left my hand, my eyes were moist. I had to get back.

I went back finally, to my real , practical world- the world ,where I was made to legally sleep with a stranger.

A longing for muse

Where are you my dear muse?
I have no words to say , I have become numb and dry
Without your presence in my life.

I feel empty and my emotions are dull
I can’t utter a word and my life just goes on
Without meaning .

When you were there , my life was like a cool cascade
Pouring life at every moment , my heart used to beat
My soul was alive.

When you were there , my mind was at peace
My mind had a purpose
My life had a goal.

But that was long ago , and I now just live
And am surviving just with those moments
Aliven by you, only by you.

I know those days will not be back
But how I wish , you come in my life again
And make me live how u did before.




Oh my beautiful beloved.

Oh my beautiful beloved , are you here ?
Are you listening to me?
Can you hear me?I have been waiting for you since ages and you still have not appeared before me.

You just come in my dreams like a phantom
In the lofty hills and disapparate  as my eyes open up to the harsh truth of the day.

I hate days, I despise them as I don’t see you
In the day and they take me away from from you
.Night is closer to me and is my comrade in distress.

It is she who makes me contemplate of you
In the dark recesses of my mind which is as
Dark and murky as the new moon night.

This night of mind has only a star
That shines so bright in my cloudy dusty mind and that
Is enough to brighten the tough days
That lie ahead in my life.


What will I say?

What will I say when I see you again?
Will I smile and blush like I would do then?
Or will I shamelessly gaze at you how I would do before?
Or will I just turn away and not return your gaze
For those feelings , those emotions of the bygone days
No longer survive.

They have become like faded spirits in the misty hill
That come and go and then again flash like the falling stars  and bring not even a pang of grief , but just a numbness  for life.

No dews I see on the emerald leaves
The flowers do not devour the rainy drops
The sun isn’t bright , the sky is dark even in summer’s daylight.

The cuckoo doesn’t chaunt , or the pheasant doesn’t show
It’s ruby eyes and  wind is still ,  like my life .

Who knows when this numbness shall leave
Or do I need to reborn in another aeon so I shall wait for my enchanter to excorcize the deadness  in my soul
And fill me with the fountain of life?


You still are my muse

You still are my muse
I don’t believe;
You still are in my mind , my soul, before my eyes
Inspite of being away from me.

What magic have you done to my senses
Have you a spell to put me to a trance?
Or a love potion that you sprinkled in my eyes?

What relation do we bear to each other?
I have still not understood.
I don’t know who you are .

 Some mysterious link binds us
And I know for sure , this universe will bring us someday
Together and then you will realize we were always made for each other , not as lovers but as soulmates.

You

You are the mist of the snowclad mountains
You are the cool cascade down the hills,
You are the source of the pristine fountain
Running and leaping like the sivery rills

You are the early tinge of Spring
You are the twilight of the dawn
You are the halo of the shiny moon
You are the magical faery ring.

You are the naïve doe of the glades
You are the fiery feline of woods
You are the magic spell of an elf
You are you and you are myself.

You are always there for me
When I am sad and lonely
You come then in the eye of my mind
When my heart pours thyself only.

In the realms of sky

In the realms of sky
When we were unborn
We had seen each other
Pacing on snowy clouds,

We both were little kids then
Our clouds were our mounts
You were on one
And I sat on another.

But we didn’t go together
You were in your way passing by me
And I was in another way
Passing by you

You were in a small black hat
A black coat and a pant
And I was in a little pinafore

But when the time came,
We recognized each other
As we gazed one another as our clouds
Passed by.

The dream is the same as reality
You are in your way
And I am in mine
Our ways  like in heaven shall ne’er combine.

When I look at you
When I look at you, your dark tresses, and your intoxicating eyes and lips, I feel as  I am no more myself who has long forgotten his name , body and soul merged with you completely through your fragrance and charm.
When I look at you , your killing beauty like some ave of talons soaring high up in the vast firmament, chases my heart and rips it to death , make it bleed and roar in pain , like the thunderous waves of the boundless blue ocean.
When my mind sways , and wanders , when my eyes weary in quest of you and my  weak frame now more tired  and numb like the measureless sands of the pristine world, gets some moist
And the thirst is quenched like the heavy rains showering perennially in the green climes.
When I see your beautiful frame , my gaze unmoved , my heart stands still , my mind sojourns the ethereal realm where I  and you tread and play on the unfathomable heavens, where no foolish faith shackles us nor do we chain our souls to the forged notions of the man made world.
Let us be free, let not the rules rule us and let not be the slaves fettered in the caverns of darkenss.

,though this darkness is our path where we must have our  moments of solitude, but beyond this cavern is a paradise awaiting and I already see myself  merged in you.


I have seen you in the sun kissed fields

I have seen you in the sun kissed fields
donned in the red ethnic garb studded with
shimmering  bits of glass and your red chunri lying on the yellow turf.

I have gazed you for hours , while you were still standing mesmerized by the warm wind blowing and feeling your bare waist and parlty covered back, adorned with strings dangling down .

I have looked at  you reposing on the golden grass,your black curls restless tingling your face , and your fair hands tucking them behind your rosy neck.



How often have I spotted those ruddy lips , on your fair face, and how so often have I thought to pull you to me, take you in my arms , caress your frame and press my lips to yours , kiss your neck , your full breasts and kill myself in your arms.

How often I have loved those glaring eyes at me
With more pride growing each day
And your treading back without turning once
And see my longing  eyes.

Why don’t you stop , for a while and let the moment stand still so I gaze you for some moments more , till eternally like a mist in the mountains , like the spirit of the woods , you fade away from my dreams.

For the first time

It was misty, and some time before it had rained, because of which the weather was cool. The distant dark woods stretched against the vast canvas of the further distant deep green hills , which sparkled like emerald against the milieu of the azure heavens. As I went in my balcony, to my surprise, I saw my husband heading  towards our bungalow, treading on the lawn, with a suitcase in his hand. He smiled at me as I immediately ran out, and embraced him firmly. I was happy to see him come home so soon. He had gone out –of- station and  was supposed to come next week, but he was back within two days.

“ How come you are back so soon? You were about to come next week. Is every thing fine ?What about your business deal?” I asked him eagerly.

“ Let’s not talk about business now dear. I am tired . I couldn’t stay away from you for long. I desperately missed you.” He said earnestly looking with his deep loving eyes. I found his eyes mesmerizing ( for the first time).

 As we headed toward the house, he kept his hand over my shoulders and in the long span of six years of my marriage with him, I liked his touch( for the first time). It was enticing and magical. Never in my life I had felt so passionate about him as I felt now. I had felt the same touch before. It made me wonder for a minute, but then the thought which had crossed my mind took a flight immediately as I became busy in preparing the morning breakfast.
As I was working in the pantry, he came discretely from behind and passionately held my waist. I smiled and blushed, and giggled for a while, as he felt his lips on my neck and my arms. He touched me intensely, and I too turned facing him and pulling him toward me ,I pressed my lips against his, in a fit of obsession. We couldn’t take it more. He lifted me up, and took me to our bedroom. Then,  some time  we spent,  just making love. For the first time in my life, I had experienced my real orgasm. I  don’t know how this was happening, but the magic  his arrival had cast on me, had fully left me enchanted. I was quite surprised at what was happening , but my conscience was not ready to reason it out that why such a thing like passionate love with my husband, which I had never felt in my life , was now overwhelming me and my rational mind. For the first time in my life , I had felt genuine love for him. Otherwise our relation was nothing more than sheer friendship. We made love, but still I didn’t feel like getting away from him. We both were entwined in each other’s embrace, and gazing each other deeply.
I was too happy. Actually , I had waited for this moment all my life.I had always thought that I would never be able to love my husband back as he loved me, but it happened finally.I myself couldn’t believe, such a change would happen in me.
He touched my hair, and kissed me intensely again. My mind was floating on the seventh heaven.I had no slightest thought about my surroundings, my neigbours, my household responsibilities and even my cell phone. I was deeply immersed in the ocean of love.I could only see love.For the first time , from all my heart, from all my soul, and with genuine affection I told him,
“ I love you.”
He touched my cheeks, and replied looking gravely in my eyes, “ I had always loved you.”
I hugged him tightly and  tears of happiness came flowing from my eyes.
In the next four days, I saw a drastic change in myself. My eyes were bright, not tiresome like how it used to be initially. I found myself active, quite slim and fit, and and beautiful ,not lethargic   as I was before. My cheeks looked damasked .I was glowing as my wellbeing improved. It was all because of love. Love had made me beautiful.For the first time, in the six years of my marriage, I had achieved marital bliss. I thanked god immensely for this sudden change , and also my husband for his unconditional love. He had won finally. He had won my heart and now I was irrevocably in love with him.

Two more days passed by, and now with my newly found marital bliss, I found my mind stable. I was sitting in my lawn admiring the lush green hills. The weather was pleasant; the clouds were deeply dark which gave a sign of heavy rains and then in a minute or two it began raining, and I had to get inside immediately. While my husband was having bath, I planned to busy myself in cleaning the old storehouse .I went upstairs, and as I opened the room , I breathed in a cloud of dust, which made me cough a little. I decided to clean all my past memories. I shoved all the little valentine day gifts, “ I love you” cards and my first birthday present from  him . I looked at them with my deepest emotions. I didn’t feel like throwing them, but I was obliged now,as I wanted to start my life afresh, and already my new life had begun, in which I was very happy , so I did not want to dwell in my past and bring my tragic memories back. I wanted to be happy. As I kept on removing out these objects, I suddenly heard some buzzing .I looked around , but I could not see anything, but I followed the sound  which led me to the old cupboard which was closed by a torn curtain. I turned back, and approached it hastily ,  looking around simultaneously . I opened the cupboard, and rummaged through the old frayed papers, but found nothing.I still could hear the buzzing sound, so I opened a drawer to check , and then the unlocked coffer, but I could not still understand from where this sound was coming. For a while I thought , that I must be hallucinating, or may be the sound was coming from somewhere outside. My gut feeling told me that some thing was wrong.I again went through the cupboard, and then to my shock I made myself peep underneath it.Something had struck me like a thunderbolt, and I saw that beneath my cupboard, my cellphone was vibrating continuously. It was as if , something had shaken me out to  face reality .I knew something bizarre had happened. How come, my phone was here, lying in this old storeroom? Who had brought it here?I had completely forgotten about it, since my husband had arrived. The phone was still buzzing. Some unknown number appeared on the screen, and I received it.
“ Hello” I said, eagerly.
“ Where the hell are you dear  ?”.It was my husband’s voice.He was yelling over the phone.
He continued yelling “ I have been calling you since last five days , but why didn’t  you receive my call?. I called the neighbour to ask about you. She told me  that she saw you behaving  quite weird since last few days. Please tell me what has happened to you? Look ,you need to take care of yourself in my absence, I cannot leave my business and run after you all the time.Anyway I am coming next week.Are you listening?”
What I was experiencing now actually would have made me fall unconscious if I would have been a timid woman, but the long life of loneliness had made me strong to bear the brunts of life. I cut the phone and immediately ran downstairs to confront my forged husband. As I went down,I heard a loud creaking of the bathroom door.It oscillated heavily , making the creaking sound clearer than before, but I knew he was inside. He was insinuating me to come there by making the door creak more and more . I was not afraid to face him, because now I knew, he was someone my own.He was my soul. He was me.

I entered the bathroom, but he was nowhere to be seen. Tears welled up my eyes, and still I could smell him. His fragrance had not left my breath and it would never go.I felt his presence , but I could not see him.I wanted to touch him again .I felt like going back with him, in his world where I could  dwell eternally with him.My throat was choked as all my love , my pain was welled inside and was not getting an outlet.
Finally I  glanced in the tub , filled with water. It reflected me  and in that water  all of a sudden, I saw some words getting materialized , and then I read  his last words.
  “ I had told you once, that I will surely come after my death and be one with you for the whole of my life.”

Cake

Since last two days , something was bothering my throat.It was heavy, agonizing and not getting an outlet.I knew very well what it was , and I pitied my helplessness as  I had become numb enough ,that I was unable to extract it out. Whatever it was , it was not something physical, although it felt heavy and painful that time, but I knew very well the art of removing the pain, but I knew that whatever solution I would apply, its  effect  would remain for a short period of time, and then it would start again and to give myself a momentary relief, I treaded towards a bakery.
My mouth desperately wanted to date some sweetness at that moment , just some sweetness , not too much; so when I reached the bakery, my eyes immediately fell on different types of cakes which were arranged inside a big glass container. Different flavours of cakes like chocolate , vanilla, pineapple, dark chocolate etc were embellished  in the most tantalizing manner in order to attract the customers. But I did not want those cream cakes, as they were too sweet. I had never liked too much sweetness, and so I looked elsewhere and my eyes fell on chocolate muffins. I happily lifted up the packet, but suddenly my mood changed. I thought chocolate muffins must be too sweet, so I finally bought a packet of vanilla slice cake.
In a few minutes , I boarded the train. I saw no one sitting around me , so out of temptation and to cater to  my bodily and emotional needs, I removed the slice cake packet from my bag and instantly tore it open.

I picked up a  slice and took a big bite .I savoured its sweet taste in  my mouth which had already begun salivating. My taste buds were quite in high spirits. My whole body and soul  were intoxicated just by having one bite of that slice. This made me instantly become oblivious, of the blockage in my throat which had bothered me before. I greedily gobbled up the entire slice, and then I felt better.

Then something flashed up in my mind.

He said, “  You know baby, that I don’t have time. I will not get leave dear.Please understand.You may go with your parents.”

“ But , you don’t have to pay a penny.We are getting free tickets.Why can’t you come?It’s just the matter of two days.” I fervently argued.

“ Nooooo, sweetheart…please understand. I cant come .I cant get leave.I am busy.”
“Then I will have to go without you.” I replied with no emotions.

The scene washed away, as the train halted at the next station.I took up another slice and began devouring it.This time more hastily.I was gradually becoming greedier and then something from the past resurfaced.

He said excitedly, “ Darling … It’s Ovi’s teething ceremony. Sister had called me to invite us for the same, and in this function, uncle’s presence is really required .I don’t want to disappoint my sister.I feel we must go. What do you think?”

“ But it’s not an important function.” I replied.

“ I really want to go , or else sister will feel bad.”

“ Then , you may go.”

“ But I want you to come with me.They have invited you also.”

“ But I have work.I can’t come.”

“Sweetheart please…. try to understand…my family members will not like if we don’t go.”
Ultimately after too much of sweet talk on his part, just considering his emotions , I gave in.

The train jerked as it halted at another station.I saw the cake packet.There were eight more slices remaining .This time , I devoured two at a time and again began cherishing the sweetness.  Then again I shut my eyes and he reappeared .

I said to him, “ Dear, I think, this vacation we must go some where .I seriously need a break.Its been almost a year and  we have not gone anywhere.”

“ Then go to your parent’s house.” He blurted. “ You will feel relaxed and also have some change .”

“ But I want to go with you.”

“ Darling …my sweetheart, its summer.This season I have lot of work to do .There is no question of getting leave.You know how my boss is.”

I didn’t say a word.That year’s vacation, I alone visited my parents in the village.

The next station was announced , when I came back from my stupor.Now there were six slices remaining , and I took four at a time, and I hogged them avariciously. Still no one had boarded the train and then I was back alone , drowned in the  world of my memories.

“ We have to go for this festival. This time it’s for five days, and if we don’t go , my parents will be upset .I have already booked the tickets. I am so excited .” he said.

“ You should have asked me first before booking the tickets.I won’t get leave during this season.” I retorted.

He approached me with his utmost innocent and pitiful expression , and uttered, “ My darling baby…please try to understand.What will my parents and  my relatives think if we don’t  go for this occasion?.”
He looked into my eyes like a servile cat for some time, and after some more sugarcoated utterances from his part, I eventually relented .Just for him. Not out of love, but out of courtesy .I accompanied him finally.  His parents , his sister, his relatives –All were so really happy .

The train stopped at the last station. I had to get up now.I saw the packet , just two slices were left, but now I didn’t feel like having them.My mouth was full of sweetness, after having six slices.I couldn’t take in more sweetness. The thought  of sweetness , itself was so despicable to me.

When I reached  home, I saw the door was open. As I entered ,I saw a big paper box kept on the table .

He came out from the bedroom, and hugged me saying, “ Happy birthday to my dearest sweetheart .See what I have got for you!”
He removed a packet from a bag,  which was gift wrapped.
 “ Just open it.” he urged.
I opened it and found it was a full sleeved heavy dress studded with gold and diamond beads all over the synthetic fabric.It had a Chinese collar, and a weighty duppatta which too was decked up with some shimmering beads.

“ Thank you.” I said.

“ No..i want you to wear it…just freshen up and change .” he demanded. I looked at him with my tiresome eyes, but spoke nothing.

As I wore the dress, the shimmering thick threads underneath the full sleeves , pricked me.The Chinese collar fastened itself around my neck. The heavy dupatta obscured my figure. My body’s breath was stunted.

I went out in the living room.He had opened the  paper box , inside which was kept a big chocolate cream cake, on which was written “ To my dearest wife.”
He handed me the knife , and I cut a big piece of the cake.As I went to feed him , he stopped and said.
“ Nooo, sweetheart, its your birthday. You must eat first.”
And before I could express my refusal, he forcefully and impulsively thrusted it into my mouth which helplessly went down my throat, thus choking it more and more , with too much sweetness.