Threshold

I had had a nice leisurely bath that day, and I decked up my self with a cream colour salwar kameez, which had some intricate shimmering design on it.As usual , I did not tie up my hair , into a plait or pony tail, but I left my hair open , which came till my shoulders, but I made sure that they do not look dishevelled, so to set them up properly, I applied some conditioner and pressed my palm over my hair several times so that as I move out, they do not  turn  shabby due to the wind.My hair was curly, so if not tied properly, or if not conditioned suitably, it would look like a sparrow’s nest. When I was satisfied that my hair looked presentable, I applied some face powder, but then , I did no more make up.. As I had just taken bath, I smelt fresh and fragrant.I looked at myself, admiringly for a few moments , in the mirror.I looked pretty.I felt beautiful inwardly and also outwardly. I was elated.I was  living some pleasant euphoric moments at present.
I left my home, and in a few minutes ,I found myself in some locality.I had never been here before, but I had heard about this place, although I don’t remember its name.It was not a plush area, where I was standing. It had a local market, occupied with vegetable vendors, stationary shops, general stores,  a small Chinese restaurant, and chawls hemming the right side of the road. There was not much public to be seen. I was watching everything absentmindedly, but then without wasting any time, I treaded toward another similar area , where I was supposed to go.To reach this place , I had to cross a threshold, and when I reached the threshold,my eyes very easily fell on the filth and dirt that was brought up by the gutter, that flowed underneath the threshold. The threshold was built of cement slabs, each slab was separated with an inch gap, and below, through this gap , I could see, the dark , murky water, running slow. Some water was also coming out , and seeping at the border of the locality,  which I was to enter in.I just kept on staring at the filth , and the dirty water that was oozing itself out from beneath.I didn’t feel like going inside, but I had to go somehow, so I searched another way.In a few moments , I found another route to enter the locality.There too was a threshold, which I had to cross.When I reached there, I again found some filth, and dirt on my way, but its condition was better than the previous route which I had chosen.I could at least step inside the locality.To avoid the dirty feeling, I did not see the sides of the road, which I knew, from my peripheral vision, were dirty, because the drains were open.
I walked straight, and then , immediately turned right.This, locality, was a system of chawls. Although, outside it was dirty, the interior part of this chawl labyrinth ,its winding lanes and  the houses ; were  quite clean.It was even brighter inside,unlike outside which was a little gloomier.

I saw a house, and there was a marble slab , where I seated for some time, but then I was taken aback by a pleasant surprise, when he suddenly came, and sat next to me.I was very happy to see him.I was seeing him after five whole weeks of separation.He looked at me  with a smile on his face, and said.
“ You look very pretty.I like your hair.” He leant , and tucked one of my curls  beside my ear.

After some time , we decided to roam in the locality. Our arms were locked in each other, and we both were wandering freely. We were completely engrossed in each other, and were treading in the intricate lanes , without any inhibitions. We were enjoying each other’s presence, and felt , this moment of being together, never ends. I kept my head on his shoulders .He said,
“ I really missed you. Where were you? Why didn’t you receive my calls?”

I replied , “ I missed you too.” , but I didn’t give him any answers to his questions, because he knew them.

We walked for some more time, and as I was tired, I said.
“ I want to rest.”
He took me inside a house. The door was open , but  no one from the house was to be seen. We didn’t know , whose house it was, nonetheless, we went in.We made ourselves comfortable on the sofa.We sat very close, folding our legs, and my head rested on his shoulders. He found the remote, and switched on the television.There was some movie going on ,having aggressive, violent , fictional historical characters.
The television was on but our eyes were only for each other.He leant forward, and kissed me intensely.We continued kissing and fondling each other, until we had had enough of our mortal pleasures, but we didn’t make love.

He switched off the tv, and we came out of the house.Again I was standing very close to him, my arm locked in his.I saw him  observing my  neck.He asked , caressing my curls,
“ Your neck is bare.Did you forget to wear your mangalsutra?”

I felt my neck, and found that my mangalsutra was not there.
“ Oh ya, last night I removed it while going to bed.While sleeping , it feels really suffocating around the neck.”

Now it was the time , to leave.I had to get back home.We came out of the intricate lanes , toward the threshold. First we happened to come across the threshold which I had first encountered while coming in.It was now , more overflowing with filth and dirty water.I couldn’t stand it , so I told him we must take another route.We hastily came toward another threshold to avoid, the stinky nauseating smell.When we reached another threshold,- which I had chosen to enter , I again saw the same filth which I had seen previously.I  kept staring at this filth for some time, although its appearance made it unbearable for me to see, but still I saw it.Then I looked into my lover’s eyes.
He looked back at me solemnly.We both looked into each others’ eyes for some more time, with that continued solemn expression on our faces that poured hopelessness , resentment, despair that we had felt toward the real world in which I had to return, thus separating me from him. And then…we separated. He left my hand, my eyes were moist. I had to get back.

I went back finally, to my real , practical world- the world ,where I was made to legally sleep with a stranger.

A longing for muse

Where are you my dear muse?
I have no words to say , I have become numb and dry
Without your presence in my life.

I feel empty and my emotions are dull
I can’t utter a word and my life just goes on
Without meaning .

When you were there , my life was like a cool cascade
Pouring life at every moment , my heart used to beat
My soul was alive.

When you were there , my mind was at peace
My mind had a purpose
My life had a goal.

But that was long ago , and I now just live
And am surviving just with those moments
Aliven by you, only by you.

I know those days will not be back
But how I wish , you come in my life again
And make me live how u did before.




Oh my beautiful beloved.

Oh my beautiful beloved , are you here ?
Are you listening to me?
Can you hear me?I have been waiting for you since ages and you still have not appeared before me.

You just come in my dreams like a phantom
In the lofty hills and disapparate  as my eyes open up to the harsh truth of the day.

I hate days, I despise them as I don’t see you
In the day and they take me away from from you
.Night is closer to me and is my comrade in distress.

It is she who makes me contemplate of you
In the dark recesses of my mind which is as
Dark and murky as the new moon night.

This night of mind has only a star
That shines so bright in my cloudy dusty mind and that
Is enough to brighten the tough days
That lie ahead in my life.


What will I say?

What will I say when I see you again?
Will I smile and blush like I would do then?
Or will I shamelessly gaze at you how I would do before?
Or will I just turn away and not return your gaze
For those feelings , those emotions of the bygone days
No longer survive.

They have become like faded spirits in the misty hill
That come and go and then again flash like the falling stars  and bring not even a pang of grief , but just a numbness  for life.

No dews I see on the emerald leaves
The flowers do not devour the rainy drops
The sun isn’t bright , the sky is dark even in summer’s daylight.

The cuckoo doesn’t chaunt , or the pheasant doesn’t show
It’s ruby eyes and  wind is still ,  like my life .

Who knows when this numbness shall leave
Or do I need to reborn in another aeon so I shall wait for my enchanter to excorcize the deadness  in my soul
And fill me with the fountain of life?


You still are my muse

You still are my muse
I don’t believe;
You still are in my mind , my soul, before my eyes
Inspite of being away from me.

What magic have you done to my senses
Have you a spell to put me to a trance?
Or a love potion that you sprinkled in my eyes?

What relation do we bear to each other?
I have still not understood.
I don’t know who you are .

 Some mysterious link binds us
And I know for sure , this universe will bring us someday
Together and then you will realize we were always made for each other , not as lovers but as soulmates.

You

You are the mist of the snowclad mountains
You are the cool cascade down the hills,
You are the source of the pristine fountain
Running and leaping like the sivery rills

You are the early tinge of Spring
You are the twilight of the dawn
You are the halo of the shiny moon
You are the magical faery ring.

You are the naïve doe of the glades
You are the fiery feline of woods
You are the magic spell of an elf
You are you and you are myself.

You are always there for me
When I am sad and lonely
You come then in the eye of my mind
When my heart pours thyself only.

In the realms of sky

In the realms of sky
When we were unborn
We had seen each other
Pacing on snowy clouds,

We both were little kids then
Our clouds were our mounts
You were on one
And I sat on another.

But we didn’t go together
You were in your way passing by me
And I was in another way
Passing by you

You were in a small black hat
A black coat and a pant
And I was in a little pinafore

But when the time came,
We recognized each other
As we gazed one another as our clouds
Passed by.

The dream is the same as reality
You are in your way
And I am in mine
Our ways  like in heaven shall ne’er combine.

When I look at you
When I look at you, your dark tresses, and your intoxicating eyes and lips, I feel as  I am no more myself who has long forgotten his name , body and soul merged with you completely through your fragrance and charm.
When I look at you , your killing beauty like some ave of talons soaring high up in the vast firmament, chases my heart and rips it to death , make it bleed and roar in pain , like the thunderous waves of the boundless blue ocean.
When my mind sways , and wanders , when my eyes weary in quest of you and my  weak frame now more tired  and numb like the measureless sands of the pristine world, gets some moist
And the thirst is quenched like the heavy rains showering perennially in the green climes.
When I see your beautiful frame , my gaze unmoved , my heart stands still , my mind sojourns the ethereal realm where I  and you tread and play on the unfathomable heavens, where no foolish faith shackles us nor do we chain our souls to the forged notions of the man made world.
Let us be free, let not the rules rule us and let not be the slaves fettered in the caverns of darkenss.

,though this darkness is our path where we must have our  moments of solitude, but beyond this cavern is a paradise awaiting and I already see myself  merged in you.


I have seen you in the sun kissed fields

I have seen you in the sun kissed fields
donned in the red ethnic garb studded with
shimmering  bits of glass and your red chunri lying on the yellow turf.

I have gazed you for hours , while you were still standing mesmerized by the warm wind blowing and feeling your bare waist and parlty covered back, adorned with strings dangling down .

I have looked at  you reposing on the golden grass,your black curls restless tingling your face , and your fair hands tucking them behind your rosy neck.



How often have I spotted those ruddy lips , on your fair face, and how so often have I thought to pull you to me, take you in my arms , caress your frame and press my lips to yours , kiss your neck , your full breasts and kill myself in your arms.

How often I have loved those glaring eyes at me
With more pride growing each day
And your treading back without turning once
And see my longing  eyes.

Why don’t you stop , for a while and let the moment stand still so I gaze you for some moments more , till eternally like a mist in the mountains , like the spirit of the woods , you fade away from my dreams.

For the first time

It was misty, and some time before it had rained, because of which the weather was cool. The distant dark woods stretched against the vast canvas of the further distant deep green hills , which sparkled like emerald against the milieu of the azure heavens. As I went in my balcony, to my surprise, I saw my husband heading  towards our bungalow, treading on the lawn, with a suitcase in his hand. He smiled at me as I immediately ran out, and embraced him firmly. I was happy to see him come home so soon. He had gone out –of- station and  was supposed to come next week, but he was back within two days.

“ How come you are back so soon? You were about to come next week. Is every thing fine ?What about your business deal?” I asked him eagerly.

“ Let’s not talk about business now dear. I am tired . I couldn’t stay away from you for long. I desperately missed you.” He said earnestly looking with his deep loving eyes. I found his eyes mesmerizing ( for the first time).

 As we headed toward the house, he kept his hand over my shoulders and in the long span of six years of my marriage with him, I liked his touch( for the first time). It was enticing and magical. Never in my life I had felt so passionate about him as I felt now. I had felt the same touch before. It made me wonder for a minute, but then the thought which had crossed my mind took a flight immediately as I became busy in preparing the morning breakfast.
As I was working in the pantry, he came discretely from behind and passionately held my waist. I smiled and blushed, and giggled for a while, as he felt his lips on my neck and my arms. He touched me intensely, and I too turned facing him and pulling him toward me ,I pressed my lips against his, in a fit of obsession. We couldn’t take it more. He lifted me up, and took me to our bedroom. Then,  some time  we spent,  just making love. For the first time in my life, I had experienced my real orgasm. I  don’t know how this was happening, but the magic  his arrival had cast on me, had fully left me enchanted. I was quite surprised at what was happening , but my conscience was not ready to reason it out that why such a thing like passionate love with my husband, which I had never felt in my life , was now overwhelming me and my rational mind. For the first time in my life , I had felt genuine love for him. Otherwise our relation was nothing more than sheer friendship. We made love, but still I didn’t feel like getting away from him. We both were entwined in each other’s embrace, and gazing each other deeply.
I was too happy. Actually , I had waited for this moment all my life.I had always thought that I would never be able to love my husband back as he loved me, but it happened finally.I myself couldn’t believe, such a change would happen in me.
He touched my hair, and kissed me intensely again. My mind was floating on the seventh heaven.I had no slightest thought about my surroundings, my neigbours, my household responsibilities and even my cell phone. I was deeply immersed in the ocean of love.I could only see love.For the first time , from all my heart, from all my soul, and with genuine affection I told him,
“ I love you.”
He touched my cheeks, and replied looking gravely in my eyes, “ I had always loved you.”
I hugged him tightly and  tears of happiness came flowing from my eyes.
In the next four days, I saw a drastic change in myself. My eyes were bright, not tiresome like how it used to be initially. I found myself active, quite slim and fit, and and beautiful ,not lethargic   as I was before. My cheeks looked damasked .I was glowing as my wellbeing improved. It was all because of love. Love had made me beautiful.For the first time, in the six years of my marriage, I had achieved marital bliss. I thanked god immensely for this sudden change , and also my husband for his unconditional love. He had won finally. He had won my heart and now I was irrevocably in love with him.

Two more days passed by, and now with my newly found marital bliss, I found my mind stable. I was sitting in my lawn admiring the lush green hills. The weather was pleasant; the clouds were deeply dark which gave a sign of heavy rains and then in a minute or two it began raining, and I had to get inside immediately. While my husband was having bath, I planned to busy myself in cleaning the old storehouse .I went upstairs, and as I opened the room , I breathed in a cloud of dust, which made me cough a little. I decided to clean all my past memories. I shoved all the little valentine day gifts, “ I love you” cards and my first birthday present from  him . I looked at them with my deepest emotions. I didn’t feel like throwing them, but I was obliged now,as I wanted to start my life afresh, and already my new life had begun, in which I was very happy , so I did not want to dwell in my past and bring my tragic memories back. I wanted to be happy. As I kept on removing out these objects, I suddenly heard some buzzing .I looked around , but I could not see anything, but I followed the sound  which led me to the old cupboard which was closed by a torn curtain. I turned back, and approached it hastily ,  looking around simultaneously . I opened the cupboard, and rummaged through the old frayed papers, but found nothing.I still could hear the buzzing sound, so I opened a drawer to check , and then the unlocked coffer, but I could not still understand from where this sound was coming. For a while I thought , that I must be hallucinating, or may be the sound was coming from somewhere outside. My gut feeling told me that some thing was wrong.I again went through the cupboard, and then to my shock I made myself peep underneath it.Something had struck me like a thunderbolt, and I saw that beneath my cupboard, my cellphone was vibrating continuously. It was as if , something had shaken me out to  face reality .I knew something bizarre had happened. How come, my phone was here, lying in this old storeroom? Who had brought it here?I had completely forgotten about it, since my husband had arrived. The phone was still buzzing. Some unknown number appeared on the screen, and I received it.
“ Hello” I said, eagerly.
“ Where the hell are you dear  ?”.It was my husband’s voice.He was yelling over the phone.
He continued yelling “ I have been calling you since last five days , but why didn’t  you receive my call?. I called the neighbour to ask about you. She told me  that she saw you behaving  quite weird since last few days. Please tell me what has happened to you? Look ,you need to take care of yourself in my absence, I cannot leave my business and run after you all the time.Anyway I am coming next week.Are you listening?”
What I was experiencing now actually would have made me fall unconscious if I would have been a timid woman, but the long life of loneliness had made me strong to bear the brunts of life. I cut the phone and immediately ran downstairs to confront my forged husband. As I went down,I heard a loud creaking of the bathroom door.It oscillated heavily , making the creaking sound clearer than before, but I knew he was inside. He was insinuating me to come there by making the door creak more and more . I was not afraid to face him, because now I knew, he was someone my own.He was my soul. He was me.

I entered the bathroom, but he was nowhere to be seen. Tears welled up my eyes, and still I could smell him. His fragrance had not left my breath and it would never go.I felt his presence , but I could not see him.I wanted to touch him again .I felt like going back with him, in his world where I could  dwell eternally with him.My throat was choked as all my love , my pain was welled inside and was not getting an outlet.
Finally I  glanced in the tub , filled with water. It reflected me  and in that water  all of a sudden, I saw some words getting materialized , and then I read  his last words.
  “ I had told you once, that I will surely come after my death and be one with you for the whole of my life.”

Cake

Since last two days , something was bothering my throat.It was heavy, agonizing and not getting an outlet.I knew very well what it was , and I pitied my helplessness as  I had become numb enough ,that I was unable to extract it out. Whatever it was , it was not something physical, although it felt heavy and painful that time, but I knew very well the art of removing the pain, but I knew that whatever solution I would apply, its  effect  would remain for a short period of time, and then it would start again and to give myself a momentary relief, I treaded towards a bakery.
My mouth desperately wanted to date some sweetness at that moment , just some sweetness , not too much; so when I reached the bakery, my eyes immediately fell on different types of cakes which were arranged inside a big glass container. Different flavours of cakes like chocolate , vanilla, pineapple, dark chocolate etc were embellished  in the most tantalizing manner in order to attract the customers. But I did not want those cream cakes, as they were too sweet. I had never liked too much sweetness, and so I looked elsewhere and my eyes fell on chocolate muffins. I happily lifted up the packet, but suddenly my mood changed. I thought chocolate muffins must be too sweet, so I finally bought a packet of vanilla slice cake.
In a few minutes , I boarded the train. I saw no one sitting around me , so out of temptation and to cater to  my bodily and emotional needs, I removed the slice cake packet from my bag and instantly tore it open.

I picked up a  slice and took a big bite .I savoured its sweet taste in  my mouth which had already begun salivating. My taste buds were quite in high spirits. My whole body and soul  were intoxicated just by having one bite of that slice. This made me instantly become oblivious, of the blockage in my throat which had bothered me before. I greedily gobbled up the entire slice, and then I felt better.

Then something flashed up in my mind.

He said, “  You know baby, that I don’t have time. I will not get leave dear.Please understand.You may go with your parents.”

“ But , you don’t have to pay a penny.We are getting free tickets.Why can’t you come?It’s just the matter of two days.” I fervently argued.

“ Nooooo, sweetheart…please understand. I cant come .I cant get leave.I am busy.”
“Then I will have to go without you.” I replied with no emotions.

The scene washed away, as the train halted at the next station.I took up another slice and began devouring it.This time more hastily.I was gradually becoming greedier and then something from the past resurfaced.

He said excitedly, “ Darling … It’s Ovi’s teething ceremony. Sister had called me to invite us for the same, and in this function, uncle’s presence is really required .I don’t want to disappoint my sister.I feel we must go. What do you think?”

“ But it’s not an important function.” I replied.

“ I really want to go , or else sister will feel bad.”

“ Then , you may go.”

“ But I want you to come with me.They have invited you also.”

“ But I have work.I can’t come.”

“Sweetheart please…. try to understand…my family members will not like if we don’t go.”
Ultimately after too much of sweet talk on his part, just considering his emotions , I gave in.

The train jerked as it halted at another station.I saw the cake packet.There were eight more slices remaining .This time , I devoured two at a time and again began cherishing the sweetness.  Then again I shut my eyes and he reappeared .

I said to him, “ Dear, I think, this vacation we must go some where .I seriously need a break.Its been almost a year and  we have not gone anywhere.”

“ Then go to your parent’s house.” He blurted. “ You will feel relaxed and also have some change .”

“ But I want to go with you.”

“ Darling …my sweetheart, its summer.This season I have lot of work to do .There is no question of getting leave.You know how my boss is.”

I didn’t say a word.That year’s vacation, I alone visited my parents in the village.

The next station was announced , when I came back from my stupor.Now there were six slices remaining , and I took four at a time, and I hogged them avariciously. Still no one had boarded the train and then I was back alone , drowned in the  world of my memories.

“ We have to go for this festival. This time it’s for five days, and if we don’t go , my parents will be upset .I have already booked the tickets. I am so excited .” he said.

“ You should have asked me first before booking the tickets.I won’t get leave during this season.” I retorted.

He approached me with his utmost innocent and pitiful expression , and uttered, “ My darling baby…please try to understand.What will my parents and  my relatives think if we don’t  go for this occasion?.”
He looked into my eyes like a servile cat for some time, and after some more sugarcoated utterances from his part, I eventually relented .Just for him. Not out of love, but out of courtesy .I accompanied him finally.  His parents , his sister, his relatives –All were so really happy .

The train stopped at the last station. I had to get up now.I saw the packet , just two slices were left, but now I didn’t feel like having them.My mouth was full of sweetness, after having six slices.I couldn’t take in more sweetness. The thought  of sweetness , itself was so despicable to me.

When I reached  home, I saw the door was open. As I entered ,I saw a big paper box kept on the table .

He came out from the bedroom, and hugged me saying, “ Happy birthday to my dearest sweetheart .See what I have got for you!”
He removed a packet from a bag,  which was gift wrapped.
 “ Just open it.” he urged.
I opened it and found it was a full sleeved heavy dress studded with gold and diamond beads all over the synthetic fabric.It had a Chinese collar, and a weighty duppatta which too was decked up with some shimmering beads.

“ Thank you.” I said.

“ No..i want you to wear it…just freshen up and change .” he demanded. I looked at him with my tiresome eyes, but spoke nothing.

As I wore the dress, the shimmering thick threads underneath the full sleeves , pricked me.The Chinese collar fastened itself around my neck. The heavy dupatta obscured my figure. My body’s breath was stunted.

I went out in the living room.He had opened the  paper box , inside which was kept a big chocolate cream cake, on which was written “ To my dearest wife.”
He handed me the knife , and I cut a big piece of the cake.As I went to feed him , he stopped and said.
“ Nooo, sweetheart, its your birthday. You must eat first.”
And before I could express my refusal, he forcefully and impulsively thrusted it into my mouth which helplessly went down my throat, thus choking it more and more , with too much sweetness.

Circle
I saw her standing across the bridge.It was a bright place gleaming with early morning golden light of the sun, which had lit the tranquil green woods where she stood. A beautiful soothing cool breeze came from the woods from there.As usual she was very happy .She was smiling , as she cheerily waved at me.I waved her back.I yelled at the top of my voice,so that she could hear.
“ Hi !How are you?”
She didn’t say anything , just nodded sideways in affirmative.
“ Can I come there ? I want to meet you.Its been a week you were not seen.Where were you?”I enquired with concern.
“ No, now you don’t come.You know very well that you can cross this bridge only when your mother calls you back.Till then , you have to stay where you are.I came here because I was called by my mother.She said my work was done , so I had to get back.Any way , how are you.?”she asked
“ I am fine, but you are really lucky , your mother called you back…I am stuck here…I don’t know when she  will call me back.I don’t know first of all why has she sent me here.I have no work…rather I have not found one.I don’t know for how long I will have to stay here without any job .I feel a  desperate longing for home.I  really want to go home.”

Listening to this , she just smiled at me. I continued raving and ranting in front of her.
“ I feel useless here..i am a misfit...i am a handicap.My mother had given me the tools to build the house, but they are rusted because I never used them.I couldn’t build it.I am staying on the open streets.I am homeless.She  had also imparted me the skill to climb the mountain, but I still find myself standing at the bottom .My mother also taught me to make beautiful pictures, but actually I can’t draw even a line, and she expects me to make circles, and unless I make the circle I will not be called back home.But I don’t



know to make the circle.Do you know to make? Can you help me?” I asked her entreatingly.
“ Ya of course I know, I have made many circles before.I came to know about it now, when I crossed this bridge that I had made so many circles before. But let me be very honest, no one can teach you to make your circle.You are the inventor of your own circle.Now I am going to make one more circle, it might take time, may be more hundred years.”
I just listened to her , meditating on what she had just said.Then I asked her curiously,
“ So , how many circles are we supposed to make?”
“ As long as your mother keeps on sending you here.When one circle is completed, you will be sent again….then again…then again.I don’t know how many more circles we are supposed to make, but on her bidding we do have to make our own circles. This time I completed my circle quite early.So mother called me.Actually I did not want to go.I wanted to stay back with you people.Actually I enjoyed making my circle, that I did not feel like finishing it, but I had to do it.I really miss you, and I don’t know when I will be able to meet you again…and why are you in such a haste to go home? Right now you are across the bridge , so just enjoy creating your circle- laugh, smile, have fun, be helpful , be caring , be happy , be hale and of course , be  a good human being on every curve of your circle, and don’t bother yourself of  creating buildings and climbing mountains. SHE has appointed million others to do it.She, who is the creator of the infinte unfathomable circle , she who has studded myriad scintillating jewels –all big and small in this circle , she who has each and every grain of matter and non-matter in her hands-why will she want you to make buildings and climb mountains? She doesn’t want anything from you, It is you who feel that she wants something from you…and one more thing …you will know how to make a circle…you will make one , but only when you will

completely surrender yourself to HER, and then your circle will run smooth once you subject to her will and stay where you are.You will be called when your circle is complete, and then you will get more chances to make more circles.”
Saying this , she smiled and disappeared in the green woods, and then I remembered an incident of my kindergarten years, that how in my art class I had  once made a perfect circle , without the help of any circular tools.

P.S. Dedicated to our dear friend Pallavi

The Owl 🦉...................................
In the deep dark forest beneath the sprinkled moonlight, perched strongly on a bough,you sit there alone - a solitary hermit with great brown eyes  having a deep unfathomable secret.      
You see me from there as if you want to say something? Or are  you really saying? I sometimes wonder what have you got in those dark brown eyes. Have they anything to tell? You mesmerize me by  a secretive look. Your occult presence enchants me. You are  the brown beautiful fairy of the  woods intriguing me more and more that the more I try to decipher you, the more I drown into   your murky brown marshy eyes. You seem tranquil  but your calm exterior betrays your turbulent inner life. You know a lot what I don't and  I know not what you know. You are all knowledge. You are a reservoir of wisdom and so I want to become like you. Give me your nice brown colour. Paint me brown. Let my fair hue transform  and make me another owl. Come in me,  fly to me, I am all  yours. Let me make you mine and reside in you forever  the rest of my life.

"Pages "                                                             You have the most beautiful eyes in the world. You are that naughty little elf which was till now hidden shly in his grotto. You aren't made of ether and light but you are the pristine baby of the earthly realm. You are made of the fragrant mud that  exudes essence when drenched by showers or you are a forest nymph living on the dark green groves and so when my eyes spot your magical demeanor, this heart skips a beat and my eyes shy away when you give me that amorous look and makes my heart drawn to you. I can sense that naughty twinkle in your beautiful beautiful eyes  and that fiery piercing beams of light that blind me and your silvery smile which kills me and my heart then oozes out the red ink that    helps me make you immortal, unfortunately through my mediocre words for my words evade your essence. They are weak and the more they ornate you, the more they weaken for your beauty is ineffable. No one can put you in words. It's just my humble try as I have to come out somewhere and I can't come before you,  and so my soul gets only one way to imprint itself  through these mortal pages which are my companions in distress, my magical stones of healing and my spirit guides who are always caressing a soothing balm over my anguished soul.

"Wish"                                                               You are Really Really Really  beautiful. Your dusky hue smittens me to death. Wish I could touch  your lips with my nimble fingers and kiss your cheeks with my eyes shut down. Wish I get to intensely embrace you and hold you in my arms. Wish I could savour your succulent lips like drinking ambrosia of the heavens and I wish  I could  feel your soft soft flesh on my neck, my breasts, my entire frame and then wish your soul entered mine, while the dance of love  would  carry us to death and take us far , far away to another celestial realm where we would walk with the stars,frolic on the clouds till we come back in our own bodies and then we realize that this world is just made for wishes devoid of hopes and we must live without hopes, forsake our wishes, desert our dreams. This is not a wonderland where desires become true. This is not a faery land where potions make us fall in love. This is the real world where no such things happen. What happens then? -nothing... we only wish, then feel hopeless and live with that despair all our lives.

When your eyes..................


When your eyes met mine  I knew not what this first step meant, I was oblivious of the storm that would assault me and sweep me away off my feet. My heart was no more mine. I had lost it. My mind was usurped by you, my soul kissed your soul and then I could  see you far over there from my own home looking at the moon dreamily and seeing my face in hers.  I could see that despair in your eyes, I could see that hopelessness which was to seperate me from you. I could see the whole when I tapped into your pure light and through your eyes  you invited me to peep in your soul. I understood what you meant, but I was remorsed as when I came near your home, you banged the door shut on my face and I knew why  but I was hurt. I felt lost, I felt vacant. I felt parched as after the cool fresh amorous showers that you had drenched me  with, you threw me alone into a vast desert for me to wail alone. Nothing was left. The door was shut. Eternally shut.

The hermit.                                                       He reposes in the green lush woods, on a  snowy marble rock:his eyes closed, shut away from the moving universe.           He sees the world within him. He is the world, he is the universe  and the whole cosmos is in him. He sits there untouched by even a cool gale that sways his matted hair, but doesn't sway him. He is erect, composed, calm. He doesn't require anyone. Wrapped in gajacharma, smeared with bhasma, he sits deep in solitude, and never opens his eyes. His kapur fragrance smittens me and my magnetic heart is gravitated by the iron in him. His dusky hue mellows my eyes, and drown deep and deep in the scintillating caramel  eyes taking me in a world of oblivion. But, he is unaware that I am watching him from a little far away. I peep to eye his visage. I stand behind a tree and adore his beauty. I am glad he isn't watching me or else my cheeks grow rose and my eyes give away. But,  I crave for his caramel gaze and when he sees me I glance away. I dare not meet his deep unfathomable eyes. They speak a lot. As I am watching him standing behind the bark, my white Saree feels the tiny grass. The tiny fragile turf has the moist of the morning dew touching my feet and giving me sensations sweet. I watch his ash smeared brown body and I feel like getting entangled in him like his dark matted locks and never get unravelled from there. My eyes can't have enough of him. I wish this time stands still. But lo !what happens then-he suddenly opens his eyes  and I hastily hide behind the bark.My closed eyes can listen to the paced heart beats. I don't want him to know but  I still want him to know  my river feelings are going to have a tidal chaos if this goes on and on. I know he has seen me, I don't look behind, I am scared but my gullible heart makes me look at him again. Alas! I see him leaving. He knows all. He is omniscient. I am nothing to him. Who am I? Just one  of the mortals enthralled by his breathtaking beauty. Tomorrow, I will come  here again to see his brown frame and till  the second morn ,I will cajole my eyes, my mind, my heart  and my soul that he is never meant  for  a mortal like me.

The Photograph

Oshi lived in an old dilapidated stone building but her house was quite big which had a  long stretched  living room and a little kitchen adjoining the toilet- bathroom and a small bedroom connected to a balcony  . She was getting ready to go out for which she had donned a black t -shirt and black trousers; had tied  her hair up into a pony tail and as she was looking at herself in the mirror, her expressions had become cringed and disturbed. She was agitated because constantly her mother –in-law was banging the toilet door. She went out near the toilet and saw her furious mother-in-law who was still banging the toilet door and looking upwards. Oshi questioned her with no much concern in her voice, “ Mother , what’s the matter ,why are you doing this?”
Her mother-in-law looked at her disconcerted and answered ,” There is this lizard up there in the toilet…its bothering me …and there is also this monkey sitting on the toilet roof …you know these monkeys up there …they can recognize the smell of lizards…you know why …because they can jump high and reach up higher where usually lizards are.Do you understand that?”
  Oshi just smirked at what her mother-in –law had just said. As she started leaving, her mother-in-law stopped  and asked her
“ Where are you going?”
“ As usual mother …I don’t know.”
“ Ok fine ….but come soon. Till the time you come back ...i must have shooed away this lizard. By the way Oshi, have you taken that photograph.” Her mother –in-law asked pointing to the wooden table .
Oshi went near the table and tucked the photograph into her handbag.
“ Bye” she said and climbed down the  old wooden stairs .

She had to go a long way because she didn’t know where she was going. Actually she was in quest of someone very very important , someone whom she could not live without.
Oshi had been searching this person since her childhood or may be when she was born , or may be when she first entered her mother’s womb or may be when her soul was created by God. She had been searching this person from a very long time , for which she had taken many efforts. She had traveled in different countries like Europe , America ,South Africa  and even regions like Greenland and Antarctica, but her search was to no avail, but she had not given up. She kept her search continued and some one recently told her that the one whom she is searching is not very far away , but in her own area, and therefore, since that day, she was determined to search that person in her own locality and so she had set out today with the photograph of that person whom she was frantically trying to reach out.
Oshi was now walking on a long gray road in the  scorching summer heat. She was sweating but her determination to search that person did not stop her, but she had to rest and she was famished so Oshi decided to take some refreshments from a nearby shop. She entered a shady lane and asked the shop keeper,
“ Can I get  a caramel bar here?”
“ Yes , of course.” The shopkeeper opened the refrigerator and handed her the caramel bar.
“ How much?”
“ Just 10 rs” he answered.
Oshi produced a ten rupee note and gave it to the shopkeeper, but she was astounded when someone from behind called out her name and asked her,” Hey Oshi, what is the need to spend so much just for a caramel bar.Come home for food.”
Oshi turned back and again smirked. She saw it was her cousin who was sitting there near the shop  with a basket full of vegetables.
“ O didi, I am in haste …not today, by the way …just wait.”
Oshi produced the photograph in front of her cousin and asked ,” See carefully didi …do you know this person?”
When the photograph was shown, her cousin was stupefied .
“ What are you asking Oshi?Are you sane?”
“ Of course I am sane didi, Do you this person?”
Her cousin kept on staring at Oshi blankly and then without saying a word and sensing the bizarreness of the situation , she hastily left for her house.
Oshi was disappointed as since afternoon whoever she had shown this photograph had become tongue tied  and bamboozled  in her presence. She did not understand why people were running away from her as if they had seen an apparition. Since she had set out in the afternon , she had met at least 50 people who were baffled and perplexed by her puzzling enquiry and dismayed by looking at her and the photograph.
Now it was the evening that was approaching and the sky was bathed in the orange twilight glow. The twitter of the birds were slowing down as they were heading home and  the orange glow of the sky was darkening quite unhurriedly. It was almost dark now and the on the black canvas of the sky, were gradually appearing little twinkling stars. Oshi looked up with disappointment , but she was determined not to lose hope. She still had hopes that she will  soon find the person she had been searching since ages.
But now she had to go home, after all her mother-in-law was waiting for her, so she decided to walk back on the long weary gray road.She was crestfallen and thirsty and there was still  more half an hour to reach her home, but a ray of hope came when she saw a group of girls walking from her opposite side. She instantly recognized them .They were her childhood friends and they too recognized her. Oshi was thrilled and she went running towards them. She hugged each of them firmly and usual friendly greetings and banterings took place between them. One of her friends  saw the  photograph  in Oshi’s hand and took it immediately to Oshi’s surprise. The friend said with a great appreciating tone,”Wow Oshi.” The other’s also said in unison a big “ WOW”.
Oshi smiled and asked them the same question which she had been asking everyone she met since afternoon.” So …do you know this person?I have been searching this person since many days.” As Oshi spoke , her friends gave her a bewildered look.Oshi’s voice was grave and strange.
One of her friend said , “ O Oshi …now stop kidding.”
“ I am not kidding .” Oshi snapped
Oshi’s expressions were a mixture of anger and turmoil and grief.She was almost on the verge of crying, but instead of consoling her, her friends were quite scared now of being near her. Her shabby appearance, her insane questioning made her look terrifyingly esoteric. They could not wait there and left her alone without giving her any answers. They all were stumped at her behaviour which they had found weird and all of them on their way  had labeled her ‘mad’.
Oshi was now flabbergasted and continued walking on the gray  long road.Now it was completely dark and it was the new moon day. Only the stars twinkled on the vast black firmament, but for Oshi’s assistance there  were street lights helping her reach home, but Oshi was now quite dehydrated and she badly needed to quench her thirst. She had not even brought her own water bottle, so she decided to knock at someone’s door on the way , but as she walked, she could not see any  house. The road looked deserted.She kept walking and walking as if her journey had no ending. It appeared as if she will never reach home .Oshi’s eyes had turned hopeless and numb, but she knew that again tomorrow she will linger here on the roads showing that photograph and asking whereabouts of that person, but as Oshi was treading wearily and to pump her hopes once again, she suddenly noticed a small glowing bulb in a shack located in the interiors of the groves lined next to the road. She immediately set her foot on the foot path from the concrete road to approach that shack. She observed it was even darker there and surrounded by neem trees that looked quite dense and sinister. The wind was still and the musical orchestra of the nocturnal beasts quite audible.It took her at least ten minutes to reach there , but when she finally arrived , she saw that this shack was actually a small cheap restaurant where she could see many men  who looked like truck drivers and construction workers feasting on humble delicacies, but all of a sudden her eyes fell on someone whom she instinctively knew would take her to the person she was tirelessly searching. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him.His back was towards her, but from the big mirror hung on the opposite wall , he had seen her coming. He quickly turned back to see her and  seeing his charismatic smile she was drawn to him profoundly. He looked like a poor savage hungrily gulping down his food.
She stood behind gazing at him as if he was some newly freed exotic, fascinating animal gobbling up his food  in heavenly delight. Oshi’s happiness knew no bounds when she saw him.She said looking into his auburn eyes,
“ I had been searching you since eons…where were you.” This sentence made him blush and he replied.
“ Just wait …let me finish my food .”
He continued eating and Oshi began observing his slim brown body that was now donned in a white muddied vest. His equally muddied shirt was lying on the chair next to him. Oshi saw herself in the mirror and what she observed was her eyes too had turned auburn.
As he returned after washing his hands , he wore his shirt and came up to meet Oshi. Oshi’s eyes were in tears. She instantly embraced him.
He too passionately buried his face beside her neck and opened his mouth to give her a love bite. Oshi reacted with delight at his amorous touch and said teasing him,
“Wasn’t the  food enough for you ?”
He giggled and looking  into her eyes he asked ,” So …did you find that person whom you were searching?”
Smiling ,Oshi nodded  and said “ Yes ….i just found her.”